


to show our gratitude...

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, LOTR References, Lance just stirs the pot, M/M, Multi, Star Wars References, it's the hill i want to die on tyvm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2019-07-23 05:02:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16152149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After ANOTHER proposal from a royal family to Keith, Lance does that thing where he remembers the plot of a telenovela. Things are mildly in-hand until they aren't.





	to show our gratitude...

Lance has decided that the common denominator of a job well done is princesses.

Where there is a princess to save, there shall also be a banquet and other sweet, sweet rewards that all paladins thus justly deserve after saving said princess. Or, the princess lets you live in her magic flying castle which is also pretty good.

The king is giving a speech for their group and the members of his council, a little prequel, Lance figures before the main event in front of the planet’s population, as per usual. The pomp is a little much, but Lance can appreciate the drama of the stage.

“We thank thee paladins for your most noble quest,” the king says. “And for saving my daughter.”

Lance nods his head along with the rest of the paladins.

“To show our gratitude, we offer an alliance between the leader of Voltron: Keith of Kogane and Princess Leximia of Terriplaxus.”

There is a smattering of tentacle applause followed by muffled groans from the paladins. Cosmo whines

“It’s always Keith,” Lance mutters.

Shiro bops him on the head lightly before going to collect their supplies list. This is so old hat that Lance can’t blame him for slowly edging his way out of the group to do actual work.

“My, that is incredibly kind, I’m afraid that our business is not yet resolved. None of us paladins nor Alteans may indulge in pleasures such as marriage so long as the Galra reign terror,” Allura says the practiced line with all the regret and dismay that _isn’t_ on Keith’s resting bitch-face.

The king is anything but dismayed.

“Marriages need not have a close physical relationship. Due to our unique psychic nature, they may be bonded mentally and spend eternity together while being very far apart physically,” he says.

Lance wakes himself up at this sudden development.

“Ah, but surely this would distract our leader from his mission—”

“Or inspire him,” the king inserts. “It is good to remember what you’re fighting for.”

The Terriplaxian princess gives what Lance divines is a coy flip of her many tentacles.

“Be that as it may we think it’s risky to show so strong an alliance to any one area,” Allura starts. “It might lead you to be particularly targeted—"

“Are you not our sworn protectors?” the king asks. With the sudden hisses of doubt welling from the court, Lance is riveted.

Allura makes a sweeping gesture of her hand.

“Certainly, we will be you protectors for as long as the Galra are around but—”

“Then let us set this union in stone.”

“But—”

“Let us begin the ceremony!”

Oh dear, Allura getting cut off is a sign that not only are the people here rude AF but also that their negotiating power is getting undermined.

Lance sees the faces of the tribunal and he does that thing where he remembers the plot of a telenovela.

“I’m sorry, Princess, you can’t marry Keith. He’s already promised to someone else!”

The statement gets the exact amount of gasps and groans Lance expects.

“Who?” the proposing princess trills.

Lance pauses for dramatic effect, remembers _el gemelo malvado_ from _A_ _buelita’s_ _telenovelas_ and then places a woe-begotten hand on his chest.

“Me.”

A gasp takes the chamber and Lance’s pores relish the attention.

Allura is totally gonna kill him, but the look on Keith’s face has shifted from “this is bullshit” to “why am I here” and Lance is l i v i n g.

“Ah, we were not aware,” the king backtracks.

Allura pastes on a thin smile over what Lance is sure is a scathing smackdown waiting for him later.

“How could you be? You see now that it’s simply not viable—”

“We’ll take the green one then,” the king says agreeably.

“Jesus Christ.” Keith, their brave and steadfast leader rubs a hand over his mullet-face.

“I— I’m sorry?” Allura manages, only slightly politer.

“We will wed our betrothed to the green one then, Jesus Christ, you’re called?”

Pidge is looking like she would rather not today.

“You can’t,” Lance says. “She’s married to Hunk.”

“The yellow one,” Hunk volunteers.

Might as well cover the other paladins.

“Then you, Princess Allura, would make an excellent addition to our royal family.”

Wow, the king can’t stop, won’t stop. Lance is a little impressed.

“I’m afraid that I am in a polyamorous relationship with Pidge and Hunk, and could not possibly stray outside the unit. My loyalty is too strong,” Allura says with due grace.

“Your royal advisor then?”

Coran perks up like he was the first picked for dodgeball teams and not the last picked for a marriage alliance.

“While I do have royal blood from my third cousin fourth removed—”

“He is in a mutual and often rededicated relationship with our blue and red paladins,” Pidge says, finally looking like the proceedings are even half as enjoyable as Lance is finding them. Conversely, Lance’s mood drops.

“Re—rededicated?!” Keith stutters.

Lance is going to be sick.

“We’re very happy together,” Coran sidles in between Lance and Keith, putting his hand on their ribs and making short strokes up.

“Both your species groups together in threes, then?” Princess Leximia says.

“Oh yes, that’s precisely it,” Allura says agreeably.

“Trifectas, we call them,” Coran adds.

“Trilogies,” Pidge says.

“Where I’m from, we call it the Return of the King,” Lance says, lifting a preemptive hand for the resounding hi-five Hunk delivers on cue.

The king frowns at them, hesitating now that there are no more options. He looks at Cosmo…

The door opens.

Shiro walks in with an apologetic look on his face.

“Please pardon my interruption—”

“You!” The king clasps his many tentacles together. “The black paladin shall marry the princess!”

“Wait, hold on a second—” Hunk starts.

“It is perfect! The rest of you are already paired in your trilogies—” the king exclaims

“Return of the King’s—”

“Is that really the hill you want to die on, Lance?” Pidge asks.

Allura takes a deep breath and makes a put-upon sound.

“I am afraid that too is impossible. He cannot make a suitable husband to anyone.”

“Whyever not?!” the king is sounding just this side of childish.

“For Shiro, truly the bravest of us has taken a holiest vow of chastity,” Allura says like many Bothans died to bring her that information.

Shiro looks at Keith and gets no help as to why Coran is petting Lance and him, nor why the king is asking Shiro to marry the princess.

“The belt he’s wearing doesn’t actually come off. It’s prime Altean tech to ensure sanctity!” Coran adds.

Shiro’s face is bright red as Pidge makes an exaggerated pulling motion on his belt.

“He cannot procreate until the Galra have been entirely nullified. Only then will the belt unlock,” Allura says, voice hushed.

 “But mentally, our psychic capabilities—"

“I’m… I am married to Voltron,” Shiro says, looking like he has regrets. “Mind and… body.”

The brimming flush on his cheeks perfectly offset by white hair is enough to persuade everyone that he is holy ground ne'er to be tread upon. Lance fans himself.

“While we will do our best to ensure that the threat is nullified in as timely a manner as possible, it may be some time, who knows, perhaps even dedicillions.” Allura examines her nails. “I’m afraid the royal line would rather come to a sudden end if Shiro were spearheading things, pardon my language.”

The king sighs in such a way that is neither kingly nor elegant. He glances at Keith’s wolf one more time before he sniffs and gives up the ghost.

“Very well, show them to their chambers.”

They walk in their little groups of three to the guest rooms where they discover a single cocoon hanging from the ceiling with enough space to fit three people, snug as a bug in a space castle.

Lance looks longingly as Pidge, Allura and Hunk head into one room.

“Let’s head in!” Coran says. “Who wants the middle? No one? I’ll take it!”

Several council members pat Shiro sympathetically on the shoulder as they walk past and thank him for his sacrifice.

Lance watches the king wrap an arm around the princess and stroke her hair consolingly and feels bad right until he hears the king say,

“We’ll get the next one, baby.”

**Author's Note:**

> i never thought my intro into this fandom would be psuedo-crack


End file.
